As the end of days looms closer - December 21, 2012 according to the Mayans, WUHS has called upon world renowned disaster expert Siyah Lhader to prepare the faculty and students for the impending apocalypse.

Lhader got her start in the disaster business twelve years ago during Y2K. It was thanks to her and her disaster prep team that the entire town of Rockworth, Arkansas still has a bomb bunker full of Tang, condensed milk, and machetes.

Her work has taken Lhader around the world where she has helped numerous governments and individuals take their preparations to the next level. “My job is to help people see the vast number of possible outcomes of an Armageddon and be prepared to handle all of them,” says Lhader.

She is now taking on the entire state of Vermont, one school at a time, starting with Woodstock. Lhader chose the central Vermont school because of its location and vast system of underground tunnels already in place in the school, making the building an ideal place to start.

The WUHS Nordic Ski Team has been stripped of their recent Vermont state division II championship win, due to the discovery of the use of illegal ski wax.

The Nordic championship was decided by two races. The first was a “skate” competition and the second was a "classic" competition. In the “skate” competition seniors Jeff Tucker, Jordan Fields, and Josh Bassette finished 1st, 2nd and 3rd respectively. In the "classic" competition Fields led the pack with a first place finish, Tucker followed in 2nd and Bassette came in 3rd.

The Nordic team crushed its opponents in these races and by an overwhelming margin won the state division II Nordic Skiing championship. Bad news was soon to follow though when race officials discovered the team had used illegal wax on their skies. Nordic ski coach Ima Waxer said, “I have no idea how the illegal wax got on my racers’ skies and object to the accusation by some that I helped them cheat to win the state championship.”

Both athletics fields on the WUHS Campus will be out of bounds for students until further notice due to the sudden appearance of a wandering Snorlax, which is currently sleeping lazily with no intentions of moving in the near future.

According to various eyewitness reports, the massive creature wandered onto the field at around 4 pm last Saturday, and caused some property damage before taking its nap.

“I was searching the area as per request in relation to the stolen apple pies,” Ace Detective in charge of the investigation Luke Atmey said, “and then, ZVARRI! The behemoth bumbles onto the field, and plops itself down without a care!”

Not only has this caused problems for the athletics department members, who are now left without a field to practice on, the sudden appearance of the Snorlax has caused trouble for the the school’s South Cafeteria as well as it searched for food.

“It wouldn’t be such a problem if it didn’t keep coming into the kitchens,” school chef Gordon Ramsey says, “But it’s true what they say; We really can’t keep it away from the food!”

According to the Pokédex, Snorlax weighs a massive 1041 Lbs., and “is not satisfied unless it eats at least 880 pounds of food per day.”

Students are advised to steer clear of the Sleeping Pokémon, as it is very unpredictable, and if provoked, might use its powerful Double-Edge attack.

Students will be greeted with something free and fun next year at school and it’s entirely for their own enjoyment and not for any educational purposes.

Along with net books, every student in the high school next year will be issued an iPod to use in their spare time by the school administration. The iPods will be the students’ property and they can do anything they want with them.

The iPods will be distributed to students at the start of the school year during advisory time, to make sure that each student gets one. The free iPod give away was championed by Principal Shill Dog. “Students need the ability to relax in school and what could be more relaxing than listening to a free IPod in your spare time?”